Knowing when to say no

As Christians we often get confused about when we can say yes or no. Some of us feel like we can never say no and we have to always say yes whereas others may feel like saying no is the only thing we are allowed to do.

It is when we talk about people, the ones we are to love as our neighbours as we love ourselves that we get confused. Because if we are to love them how do we say no? Isn’t that rejecting them?

Let’s take a quick look at what Jesus did, as He is the perfect example for us as sons & daughters of God.

John 2:23-25 And as He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, at the feast, many believed in His name when they saw the miracles which He did. But Jesus did not commit Himself to them, because He knew all and did not need that anyone should testify of man. For He knew what was in man.

Interestingly the word translated as “commit” in the Greek also means “to have faith” , “believe” or “Trust in”. So there were people at some stage that Jesus knew He could not trust in or believe in. This doesn’t say it couldn’t change, but this was the situation.

Then there was this episode where Jesus forgave a man’s sin & would heal him :

Mar 2:8 And instantly knowing in His spirit that they reasoned so within themselves, He said to them, Why do you reason these things in your heart?

My point with this is Jesus had discernment. This is something all Christians need to have and exercise daily! If we don’t, we don’t exercise our spirit. That’s why we call it “discernment of spirits” so only our spirit that is one with God through Jesus Christ can tell us what spirit we are dealing within other people.

Now all that being said, we need to have a clear view on God’s love for us. I don’t just mean have an idea, I mean you need to be lost in His love for you & it must be your ultimate reality every day. This is our only way we can love ourselves, because then, it is not selfish, but then it is because of a great value you see in
yourself as God sees you.

Rom 8:16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are the children of God.

God has made clear that His Spirit declares us as His children. So that’s a good point on why He loves us! a good Father always loves His children! Our Father God is an amazing Father! So if you agree with His spirit in you, you should be able to love yourself from the inside out.

Funny enough, how we love our neighbour is the way we love our self, right?

Now that you live from the love of God for you, you can look at your neighbour through love. You do not switch your discernment off, you keep it on as you measure them with love, you can easily see them the way God sees them, so you can help them & also if you need to say no to them. The ones you need to say no to will require you to give up the love that you have for a need they have. They will need you to do things that will require you to change your identity to a lower value. The love you get from God & who that makes you to be is never up for grabs!

This might be a hard thing to hear, but at times other believers or even family members might do this. People just sometimes have unhealthy needs because of a lack of value they have for themselves or for you. If you comply with those needs it will hurt you & it won’t help them either.

So a good way to always know is this : Ask yourself – Does this require me give up my value? Then you know it’s a “no”. Also if this makes me ignore their value? It’s also a “no”. Know that value & love go together perfectly! The spirit within you will always let you know if you are giving away value. This is a big part of how
discernment works, it always works from love, this is how you love people well & yourself.

Let God love you today & don’t let anyone convince you of anything else.

1Co 2:11 For who among men knows the things of a man except the spirit of man within him? So also no one knows the things of God except the Spirit of God.

Mat 7:6 Do not give dogs what is holy, and do not throw your pearls before pigs, lest they trample them underfoot and turn to attack you.

Thankx for reading. Bless You

Carlo Merrick
Carlo Merrick