There are three identities we choose from everyday, we could call them three different perspectives as well. These are places we choose to live from, act and react from. This is a simplified explanation of them.
No 1. Identity of Value.
This is the place God created for us through His Son on the cross. Here He showed us our value according to Him, we are worth His Son. So in this identity we know who we are according to our Father, we are completely loved, we are affirmed, we are fulfilled and live from His divine power where He has granted us all things that pertain to life and godliness. Here He is our Source and reason for living, He completes us from the inside out. Lastly here we are secure, we have no need to change others or manipulate them to meet our need or feel obligated to meet theirs, and we have the choice like the Samaritan to walk the extra mile or not.
No 2. Identity of Need.
In this identity we have come to know what we need, we need love. Our source is love and affirmation. These we usually get from other people, in what they perceive us to be, how they describe us, what we could do for them and not forgetting what they could in return do for us. This is where most people find themselves. Here we know terms like “bend over backwards” for people or “always be strong” for others. This is a very sincere place of wanting to be good.
No 3. Identity of Greed.
In this identity we make sure we take from others, they need to do things for us because we deserve it and they need to listen to us. Things need to happen the way we want it to happen, otherwise we will give others a hard time. We reject love here, we rather want something that makes things easier than love since love just feels like work, work is hard, we don’t like that. This identity tends to abuse the identity of need & lives off of it like a parasite.
When Identities Meet.
These identities we choose from everyday, not necessarily all three of them, some of us go back and forth between the first two while other people choose the last one or stay in the middle.
If we look at these three we can make it easy to explain the Christian life and even practice discernment in a simple way. When looking at these identities, we know they will flow to our relationships. So how does it affect them?
Let’s say you are in the identity No 1, you have a friend with identity No 2 and also one with No 3. You are fulfilled and complete since you are no1 and have no need to cater to the demands of other identities. Will you stay friends with No 3?
Then you also see what No 3 does to No 2 everyday, demands, manipulates and has no sincere regard for No 2. No 2 on the other hand tries to love, gets heartbroken and abused by No 3. No 2 believes if they loved, cared more, did more for No 3 that it will change their identity to No 2 as well. No 3 uses this to demands that No 2 walks the extra mile and more. No 2 feels this is what they need to do to be a better person, they see and feel their own void and therefore recognizes the void No 3 has. No 2 feels guilty for not making No 3’s life better. What will your advice be to No 2?
Lastly, when you are No 1 you see Gods value for No 2 and No 3. You will be able to discern whether there is a willingness in No 2 or No 3 to see their value or not.
Trick about this is, when we are No 1 and try force others like No 3 to see their value, we actually become No 2 and lose our fulfillment since we pour our own value into a hole that we cannot fill. We are to be filled with God, only He satisfies. So how do we influence others to switch identity? Live fulfilled! Shine His light! They will see and come…and they will then be willing to start cultivating a No 1 identity.
What identity do you choose today? Jesus said we should love our neighbour, how will we do it by any other identity, than the one He gave us. How else will we ever live fulfilled, unless we let God complete us.
Written by Carlo Merrick